Sunday, March 29, 2020

Weekly Mews: The Reality of Now

I am linking up to the Sunday Post hosted by Kim of Caffeinated Book Reviewer, where participants recap our week, talk about what we are reading, share any new books that have come our way, and whatever else we want to talk about. I am also linking The Sunday Salon hosted by Deb Nance of Readerbuzz where participants discuss what they are reading and other bookish topics. 


I am having a hard time focusing on anything for long--reading, writing, even blogging. I go to work, come home, and just want to vegetate on the couch, cuddling with my daughter, and watch television. I am afraid to go to the stores. When a package is delivered, I take extra precautions when opening it and have left several in my garage, just sitting there unopened, hoping by the time I get to them, any virus will be dead. We have gotten pizza a couple nights, but for the most part, my husband cooks something. Finding things at the store is still so hard. We can really only go in the evenings or on weekends--and by then all the shelves have been picked over by the early birds. I have suggested to my husband we have groceries delivered, but I think he likes getting out of the house now and then since he is now working completely from home. We finally found someone who had tissue in stock online--and ordered some. It should arrive late next week. We are down to our last box. God forbid we use the precious toilet paper as a substitute which we also have not been able to find in any local stores.

I haven't been sleeping well. I find myself crying more frequently, sometimes multiple times a day for seemingly no reason, and often feel heaviness and pressure in my chest. My anxiety is through the roof. I've been trying to stay away from the news (which I get online mostly, and word of mouth since we don't have television channels that carry the news), but it is hard to avoid completely. Especially when I am at work. We are moving to work part of the time at home, at least. I will be working from home two days and then in the office the rest of the week starting this week. I would prefer to be working from home every day, safe at home with my family, but I will take what I can get. The joy of being an essential employee. . .

I know I am one of the lucky ones. I still am able to work and my job doesn't have me working face to face with the public. Some of my colleagues do not have that luxury. My manager has thinned us out enough (rotating who works at home or in the office) so that we can better practice social distancing in the office.

My husband, Anjin, is working from home for the time being, which has been a life saver for us. He also is an essential worker, and so it could have played out quite differently if he still had to go into the office. He is able to stay home with our daughter. Last week was his first week working from home. We had come up with a makeshift academic plan for Mouse, and she has managed well under the circumstances. My husband does not have a lot of flexibility in terms of how much he can work with her, so she's had to work independently for the most part. I am so grateful though that he has been able to do what he can. He has kept such a level head through all of this, helping me stay grounded, and taking lead with my daughter's education.

This past Friday Mouse was able to connect with her class via Zoom, and, from the sounds of it, the district is setting up classes via Google Classroom. Hopefully we will hear more about that soon. The teachers from her school arranged for a car parade Friday morning that drove through the students' neighborhoods, teachers and students cheering and waving to each other as the parade went by. I was able to arrange with a neighbor a couple doors down to keep an eye on Mouse while she was waiting for the parade to go by since Anjin could not leave the house and I was at work. Mouse was able to ride her scooter around our cul de sac with the neighbor's sons--keeping adequate social distance, of course.

Starting tomorrow, Mouse's dance classes and rehearsals will be done via Zoom. She is not too thrilled about the idea, if I am honest. It isn't the same, I know. Part of what she loves about her classes is being able to be among her friends. Hopefully once they get up and running, she will settle into the routine. I think it will do her good--get her moving more and have some contact with the outside world, even if in an unconventional way.

Through all of this, I am trying to be gentle with myself. The lack of control, the constant uncertainty, the fear and worry for loved ones, all of it and more, is exhausting. It takes a toll on the mind and the body. I do my best to keep it under control so that it does not affect my work or my daughter. I know that isn't entirely possible though--and I have to be okay with that. Some days (or hours) are better than others.

Humor helps some. When I can read, that does as well. I do a lot of re-framing and am trying to get back into writing. Writing down my feelings and thoughts helps. I have been trying to encourage my daughter to journal along side with me, but so far that hasn't worked. She did like my idea of writing letters to Earth while we are on a trip to Mars, cut off from everyone. I also find taking walks around the neighborhood helps. Some of our neighbors have put stuffed bears in their windows (we have too) so kids can go on "bear hunts" with their families.

I am intent on making Easter fun for my daughter as she keeps talking about it. Something to look forward to, at least. Our Easters have always been rather quiet. We aren't church going people. For Mouse is it more about waking up to find plastic eggs full of toys and candy hidden all over the house and yard. That we can do!

On the health front, we are all doing well--mostly. Mouse's and my allergies are ever present. My wrist is not bothering me anymore. I somehow pulled a muscle in my neck/shoulder, however, that is giving me a lot of trouble. It's hard to get comfortable. It does seem to lessening some, which is promising.

I would like to think my blogging will increase (as will my reading), but I make no promises. I hope all of you are safe and well and hanging in there as best you can!


What I Am Reading: I am about half way through Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. Any other time, I probably would have loved the book, but right now it is probably not the best fit. I can only take the mama drama is small doses. I should have long ago picked something else up to read, but I have not been able to motivate myself to do even that.

Mouse and I are reading Sticks & Stones (Upside-Down Magic, #2) by Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Myracle, and Emily Jenkins. We hadn't realized it was the second book in the series, which kind of explains why we were a bit lost in the beginning. We are not too far in at this point, but are enjoying it.

What I Am Watching: I started on season seven of Vampire Diaries. As a family, we have been watching a lot of Elementary--we are on the second season. I have also been catching some of the Christmas Hallmark movies. I even have the Christmas tree lights turned on (yes, our tree is still up--just not decorated) and the gas fireplace on to help set the mood. I finally saw the movie Ready Player One. It is a lot different from the book, of course, but I still enjoyed it.. Oh, and the Harry Potter movies. Mouse and I have been re-watching them. There's nothing like getting lost in the world of Harry Potter.

What I Am Grateful For: I am grateful for my family and this extra time with them, even if the conditions and reasons are not ideal. I am grateful to the friends who stepped into help with Mouse when I need them the most the week before last. I am grateful for our relatively good health. I am also grateful my husband and I are still working. I am grateful, like so many others, for all those essential employees who are doing their best under such trying circumstances. I am grateful for the sound of the birds singing outside and bears in windows.


How are you all holding up during these difficult times? What have you been up to? What are you reading? 



 I hope you all have a wonderful week! Happy Reading!

 Even my cats at the office are taking precautions
(one of my coworkers went around putting masks on our inanimate friends 
to help add some humor to the current crisis.)

My cubicle mate at work


© 2020, Musings of a Bookish Kitty. All Rights Reserved. If you're reading this on a site other than Musings of a Bookish Kitty or Wendy's feed, be aware that this post has been stolen and is used without permission.

38 comments:

  1. I think a lot of people are crying these days. I have a friend who works at the hospital and she's had to go on anxiety medications.

    We are staying out of the stores and having groceries delivered once a week. If we run out of something, we make do for now.

    Schools here are expecting parents to home school with material they've provided but I'm not sure how well that's working out.

    Be easy on yourself and stay safe.

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    1. Kathy - Yes, I've been browsing Twitter periodically throughout the last week or so and there are a lot of others who are feeling similar, struggling anxiety and depression which is being exacerbated by the pandemic. I can imagine it is especially hard for your friend who works in a hospital. My cousin is a nurse in Washington state and what she is seeing and having to deal with right now is awful. I really feel for the medical professionals right now.

      Mouse's school district did offer an education packet initially, which we've been using to some degree. All on her own, Mouse did half of the two week math worksheets in one day. It's completely optional. We do what we can. It may not be ideal, but at least it is something.

      Thank you for visiting, and I hope you stay well and safe.

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  2. We've been drifting and I am feeling some of the exhaustion without really doing anything. It's been spring break so I hope to feel better with more routine with back to school this week. We haven't gone out at all. Our grocery delivery went well. We like being home and have everything we need. It's just the 2 of us with my daughter in college so she can entertain herself mostly.

    Stay healthy, safe and happy reading!

    Anne - Books of My Heart Here is my Sunday Post   

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    1. Anne - I am glad things are falling into place for you. Hopefully we can settle into a routine when the changes stop coming. I am sure that will help. Thank you for stopping by. I hope you and yours remain safe and well.

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  3. I am so sorry about how things are going right now in your world. I wondered how things were going for people who are trying to work at home and who also have children. That cannot be easy. It also can't be easy to have to go into work. I am filled with anxiety every time I have to pick up a grocery order or pick up a package outside.

    I keep trying to remind myself of the typical features of viruses, including their aversion to summer, and the tendency of viruses to react poorly to heat and humidity.

    It is so difficult to focus. I had to turn off the alerts on my phone.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers and thoughts.

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    1. Deb - Thank you. Things could be much worse, and we are really very lucky we are able to do what we can. I wish I could do more. I had to turn off most of the alerts on my phone as well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Take care and stay safe.

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  4. It must be really hard when you're working and trying home-educate children. As a teacher, who had taught both in the classroom and one to one, I would just say that children in home settings tend to focus better and work harder, so they don't need to keep the same hours as school-taught children. I also recommend they get breaks every 30-45 minutes. And brain gym is brilliant for resetting concentration and fun for everyone to do - again, about every 45 minutes...

    I hope the coming week is a peaceful, healthy one, Wendy:)

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    1. Sarah - It is difficult. We have to work and cannot always stop what we are doing to help her right when she needs it. She's fairly good about keeping herself busy with what we've been assigning her--and we let her work at her own pace. It's very informal--but I feel bad that it's less hands on and more independent study--especially because she is still young. We're making do. It isn't perfect, but we are doing what we can given the circumstances.

      Thank you for visiting, Sarah. Stay safe and well!

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  5. Sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the moment. I've been feeling super restless, helpless, frustrated etc too but have only have one major crying jag and that was sparked by my employer being amazingly supportive! I guess I didn't realise how worried I'd been about work until they put the fears to rest.

    This is such an unprecedented time... You've just got to do what you need to to look after yourself. I'm glad your husband can work from home. I hope things are ok for you all in the coming weeks.

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    1. Nicci - I am glad your employer has been so supportive. I think they all should be at a time like this. I know though that isn't always the case. Thank you for visiting, and stay safe and well.

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  6. Wendy, I'm so glad to hear about your experiences lately. It has certainly been tough and the situation you guys find yourselves in is not easy at all. Best of luck getting the school stuff figured out and also keeping things quasi-normal as much as you can. Love your little work companions with the masks!

    I'm trying not worry too much about daughter who is a nurse at a local hospital. She tells me not to worry as she is fine, though she sounds pretty tired when I talk to her. Lots of shifts and meetings and calming of patients. She told me that many of their laboring mothers are so stressed about actually having to be in the hospital that it's hard to keep them calm enough to deliver, recover, and work on nursing their babies. They are still allowed a partner in the delivery room, but no visitors at all. Sad.

    So, take care. Deep breaths. Hug your girl for me and take a big hug also for yourself.

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    1. Kay - Thank you. We have to find humor in the little things these days. It helps us cope.

      I will keep your daughter in my prayers. The local hospitals here are not allowing the partner in the delivery room. A friend of mine who is due in July is hoping the restriction will be lifted when her time comes.

      Take care and stay well and safe.

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  7. Yeah, this whole virus thing has been a bit of a struggle. I tried to get groceries delivered, but since the store is out of everything, they didn’t have much to deliver. I’ll have to try again in a few days. I watched so much Harry Potter last week. It’s keeping me sane right now.

    Aj @ Read All The Things!

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    1. AJ - Hopefully the stores will be able to stock up more as visits to the stores slow down. One can hope at least. We are watching the sixth Harry Potter movie today. It's a sad one. Stay well and safe.

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  8. It is hard to focus with everything going on! I haven't been reading anything. I'm home now but my wife is considered essential and still has to go in, so we've been worried about that. Anxiety is tough right now. Sending supportive vibes your way!

    That car parade- how fun! And I love your idea of writing letters to Earth from a Mars trip- that's so creative.

    I've been thinking of going to ordering groceries online. I've never done it but with all the fear of running into the virus out in the stores, I'm tempted!

    Love the humor. And Christmas lights- no judging here, I love Christmas lights and if I had my way they'd stay up all year lol.

    Lol about toilet paper. Crazy isn't it??

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    1. Greg - It must be hard for your wife right now, still having to go to work outside the home. I know it is hard for me to leave. I just want to hole up with my family right now.

      Yeah, we never did get that Christmas tree down. LOL

      Stay well and safe!

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  9. As much as I want to avoid hearing news about the virus, it's hard not hearing it since it's almost everywhere - on TV, internet, social media etc etc. I feel everyone's fear and frustrations; and I feel more towards people who are helping to fight against the virus, be they healthcare staff or staff from the cleaning or security services as well as a few others. I also feel angry at people who are irresponsible when social distancing is concerned. So many emotions and yes, I'm feeling more tired both physically and mentally. I'm sure many of us look at things differently now, and that we should be thankful for the things we have, and most especially take extra care of our health.

    Hope you've a good week ahead, Wendy, and continue to stay well and safe.

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    1. Melody - Yes, the news is everywhere. I cannot avoid it at work, although I have more control of what news I take in at home. We are all on call though and so I have to remain on high alert. I am trying to focus on the positive and the things I am grateful for, but sometimes it is hard. I hope you and your family remain safe and well, Melody.

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  10. Lots of hugs! It's a strange and difficult time for everyone. I keep thinking that now that I have no work to do (office got shut), I should have all the time in the world to read and write but like you, I find it hard to concentrate. I think it's important to be kind to yourself now and give yourself the space to just rest.

    Hope you and your family stay healthy!

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    1. Eustacia - I am sorry to hear your office was shut down. Hopefully they are still providing for you in this crisis. I know so many who are out of jobs right now and having to file for unemployment. You are so write, we need to remember to be kind to ourselves--something I am not always good at doing. Take care and stay safe and well.

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  11. I know what you mean about how our feelings can be all over the place: anxiety, crying, fear, worry.

    Some days start out really well and I begin to believe I have the feelings under control, but then something like a food delivery (room service) that is crap. Literally. And I could almost lose it. But then I feel guilty. I am lucky to be in a situation in which I do not have to cook, and have staff bring food to me.

    But...I really miss being more in control. I guess that won't happen any time soon.

    I don't know what I would do if I were younger and still raising my kids. I feel for you and your challenges.

    Hang in there! Thanks for visiting my blog.


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    1. Laurel-Rain - Yes, we really are very lucky under the circumstances. Thank you for your kind words and support. I hope you remain safe and well.

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  12. I think many of are feeling the same way these days. I can't concentrate on anything for long periods of time. I need to keep doing things to get my mind off it.

    Thank you for your kind words about the loss of my kitty. It's been so hard with everything else going on around us.

    Take care and stay safe!

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    1. Yvonne - It seems like there are a lot of us in a similar state of mind. It is comforting to know we are not alone, although I wish none of us were in this situation at all. Losing an animal companion is hard enough on its own, but in this time and place, I imagine it is even worse. Sending big hugs your way. Stay safe and well.

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  13. I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time but glad you're able to distance. I can see where Big Little Lies is not the book for right now. It's a lot of drama - some silly some not but lots and lots. Maybe try a reread or a middle grade? Or just go full in on the Hallmark Christmas movies? You don't have to concentrate on them and that's what makes them soothing. Hope Mouse is able to enjoy virtually hanging out with her friends. Hope this week is goes better for yo.

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    1. Katherine - I do have a few middle grade novels around. I may try that. Stay safe and well!

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  14. I'm so sorry this has been so stressful for you. I know my daughter gets super anxious when she has to hit the grocery store every 10 days or so. It's super challenging for working parents who now have to home school as well. I'm not able to focus on print books lately but, an audio books is more doable. Hang in there Wendy, it's all we can do.

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  15. Do take care of yourself! This is a crazy and stressful time. For all of us. I try to count the good things around me, and while it feels like this will never end, I remind myself everyday that it's not forever. It's going to be really hard for awhile, but I can do hard. We all can. Hang in there! And know you're not alone. :D

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    1. Lark - Thank you. I am trying to focus on the positive, but some moments it is harder than others. Stay safe and well.

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  16. It's definitely hard to stay positive these days. And I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I think we all do at the moment.. Especially as a mom I find everything even more stressfull. All I can think about at times is 'will my girl be okay?', 'will she ever be able to play outside with other kids again'. It's frustrating!
    But then I go back to work, and see those patients and realise how lucky I am to be still healthy!
    Life is hard!

    Stay safe my friend! *sending an elbow hug* Happy reading.

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    1. Maureen - Yes! We worry so much about our children too. I worry that I am not doing enough for her in every way, that I can't be there for her the way she might need, academically and otherwise. I worry about that in the best of times, but it's heightened now especially. We can only do the best we can though. There's only so much of ourselves we can give. Stay safe and well.

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  17. A lot of people in other areas are having a lot of luck with food delivery but I have not. Every time I try to order online my cart goes empty by the time I checkout. I've had to go to the market a total of two times in four weeks but I will have to go again soon because with my son home now, there is another mouth to feed.

    I am glad to be working from home by my chair setup is causing me all sorts of grief. I really need a true office chair. It's made my previous shoulder injury flare up.

    My daughter has been taking dance classes online and they wipe her out! They can be quite strenuous! The Rockettes are having classes every week now too.

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    1. Ti - I'm sorry the food service hasn't worked for you. It seems like it can be luck of the draw, depending on the store.

      I am sorry to hear about your shoulder injury worsening. My set up isn't ideal either and I imagine my carpal tunnel syndrome will be flaring up again in no time. I just started feeling better after the last one.

      I am glad you son is home, and I know you must be too.

      Stay safe and well, Ti.

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  18. I think that have a little one would really make things more challenging right now. Kids are so active and really crave being with others so this is a huge change. I went into this office some last week and early this week but business has dried up and there is nothing to do right now.

    We are working on cleaning out the pantry right now and just picking up a few essentials when necessary. I am trying not to leave the house if I can avoid it. Stay safe and hang in there, Wendy!

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    1. Carole - It's hard going into the office right now, isn't it? But work must go on. Even when it is a bit slower than before. I hope you and your family remain safe and well too.

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  19. Sorry that you've been struggling emotionally lately. I've been hearing from a lot of people that they're feeling that way. These are scary and uncertain times!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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    1. Nicole - Thank you. I hope you and your family stay safe and well.

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